Sometimes...when life comes at you with a curve ball...you miss. You swing with all your might the bat of your resolve, your commitment, your joy, your heart. But...when that ball flies past you and you don't even touch it...all your energy...all your strength goes to waste. At least when life catches you off guard, you have an excuse for misdirecting your resources. But when you see the inevitable on the horizon, when the impending sunset harkens the depth of night, when dread peaks out of your heart is about to become reality, you feel pretty stupid that you didn't prepare for this moment. You could have done so much to make things better, to alter the course of events. Unfortunately, the truth is, you did what you could...you saw it coming...you planned to counter it...you failed.
Thus...is where I stand. Over the past few months...I have contemplated this event and even went through some possible outcomes in my mind. In the end, non of my simulations were accurate. I had prepared myself for all these possibilities save the one that actually happened. And now, there is a feeling of stupidity and utter hysteria at my condition. Who would have thought that I had such a large part of my identity attached to this group? I knew yes. But I didn't believe. I knew that today would hurt, but I didn't expect a feeling of emptiness in my heart.
But, every shark must move to new waters. When the food supply has run out or when there are simply no other friendly sharks to converse with, he must bade farewell to the coral reef and swim into the open ocean. Unfortunately, this shark that am referring to does not like being alone. In fact, he'd rather be swimming with dolphins then swimming solo.
I have two options. Forget everything or remember and feel the pain of loss. Neither of these choices are very optimistic or practical, but what else can one do?
