Heylo world.
It's late at night. I really should be sleeping, but I'm up...trying to memorize drug names among other things.
Now why am I memorizing drugs and studying at this hour? Well, I'm trying to get a pharmacy technician license (even though I really don't know what that'll do for me)
To recap, my plan #1 to go to grad school and do work in drug discovery was shot down....twice.
1. I applied for an EAP singapore internship in drug discovery. I was really looking forward to living in Singapore and even considering the prospect of moving there permanently. But, there was a record number of applicants, miscommunication between A*STAR and EAP, and many many delays. I did not discover that I was accepted into the program until 20 days after the notification deadline T_T and the program dates were changed to end in September...as opposed to August. Also, I didn't get my program of choice. All things considered, I decided that this was another reason to stay and work in the lab over the summer.
2. I went to a pre-pharmcy symposium. Right after that, I had a very interesting/sudden/provoking conversation via telephone which strongly made me ask myself, "Am I cut out for graduate school?" And I really don't know the answer to that question. So, I decided to fall back on pharmacy and keep pharm school as another option. This could mean dropping my minor, taking extra classes, and volunteering at a hospital. This is also the reason for the pharm tech thingy X_X
The door to drug discovery experience was closed, and various arrows illuminated the path to pharmacy.
Now don't misunderstand...I still am unsure which path is going to work out. (or maybe there is a plan C)
But, I'm going to stick with it until God tells me otherwise.
It was really interesting. When I found out that I could be rejected from the Singapore program, I felt my heart become lighter. Even though it was my dream, it had become nothing more than a burden, another expectation, and manifested itself as a nightmare.
Now, I'm working in the lab, and I'm very glad that I didn't go. It's tricky work, but I'm definitely more familiar with the people, the science, and the environment. Also, I don't feel as expendable as I did last summer. If I or the other Mass Spec person had not been here this summer, the lab would have hired someone else to do the job. It's just been a nice time building friendships with the people in lab. During the school year, it's harder to get to know these people, but that's what summer is for :P CARDIO KICKBOXING XD
My only complaint would be this sense of distraction. I know I need to study for so many things, but I really want to take a break after the last semester. It was a bit rougher than usual, but it turned out better than expected (PTL) So, that's what my daily bread is for ^_^
I also finally got someone to teach me how to do things at the gym! So, I'm really happy about that. However, I'll be running a marathon later in the year, so I don't want to put on too much more weight.
Oh and the Lord works in mysterious ways. My interview at the hospital was cancelled. At first I was very very distraught, but now that I think about it, it's probably for the best. I already have a lot on my plate, so I can worry about volunteering in July.
OOOOOOOh...and now I can use children's card game metaphors:
Someone has played Final Countdown. Or at least, it feels like it. And frankly, I'm a bit anxious to open up the deck and see what plays I can make. At the same time, the cards in my hand definitely won't be enough...maybe. Right now I'm waiting on my next draw. "Destiny Draw" or "Shining Draw" anyone? XD All I know is that I can trust in the Lord's plan for me. He'll place whatever card is needed for His victory on the top of the deck. And that'll be enough for me.
(Who knows? It could be a counter-trap that negates [and DESTROYS] Final Countdown :P)
These next 80 days or so are days that I look forward to. Why? I'm at the crossroads of life and for some reason, I feel like this summer is going to count in more ways that I could imagine. I'm excited to see what God has in store, definitely a bit worried too, but it'll be alright.
Let's hope this solar reactor is more responsive in the summer :P
Sunday, May 27, 2012
Friday, September 2, 2011
It's been a long time...
I just randomly felt like posting on this forgotten plot of the internet. I haven't ventured into this area in a long time, but now's a good as time as any.
To recap, so that I will not forget, freshmen year was pretty crazy. First semester, it was all about getting to know God slowly and seeing Him in everyday things. I spent most of my time studying and didn't fellowship with people. At the same time, I was not doing a good job balancing my friendships. Through the temporary grade crisis and handing over these parts of my life to the Lord, I grew closer to Him. I could feel Him tugging at me, telling me where to go. Whether it was simply to go study at Stanley or to head home, "He Leadeth Me." (bad grammar fail) Despite these leaps and bounds, my weaknesses still held me down and stopped me cold with fear. Second semester was much more trying. Many times, I did not expect to do well in my studies, but God pulled through and gave me grace to learn and understand even as I was taking the finals themselves. He also gave me the opportunity to intern at USDA. Interestingly enough though, I no longer felt God pull on my heart directly. It seemed as if God was taking the training wheels off. He wanted me to find a deeper faith. In the end, second semester was much more difficult and trying than the first, but there is no shark left behind. When summer hit, I was very excited about being able to work at USDA. I enjoyed the work, although I wish that there was more of a focus on chemistry. During the last few weeks, I could not help feeling useless and demoralized. However, God came to my rescue and gave me a few results to work with. However, I found that the work pulled me away from the Lord. Every day, I looked forward to getting home and relaxing instead of spending just a few minutes praying. During the school year, my bible reading had been weak, but my prayer life was strong. Over the summer, the reverse was true, and I found myself pulled down by my weaknesses once again. However, by God's grace, I'm okay now. Ironically, I feel much weaker and more pathetic than I did before. Yet, I'm happier and more joyful. I think its because I know that my works and strength aren't really my own but are gifts from Him. I just need to keep seeking as the year goes by.
Speaking of seeking, a lot of things have been going on recently. Matters that should have been settled, have been kindled again. And so, I find myself on the edge of another battlefield, fighting, blood, sweat, tears, but most importantly tasks that have been set apart for me to complete.
I'll do my best, but not just by my own will.
Jlai
To recap, so that I will not forget, freshmen year was pretty crazy. First semester, it was all about getting to know God slowly and seeing Him in everyday things. I spent most of my time studying and didn't fellowship with people. At the same time, I was not doing a good job balancing my friendships. Through the temporary grade crisis and handing over these parts of my life to the Lord, I grew closer to Him. I could feel Him tugging at me, telling me where to go. Whether it was simply to go study at Stanley or to head home, "He Leadeth Me." (bad grammar fail) Despite these leaps and bounds, my weaknesses still held me down and stopped me cold with fear. Second semester was much more trying. Many times, I did not expect to do well in my studies, but God pulled through and gave me grace to learn and understand even as I was taking the finals themselves. He also gave me the opportunity to intern at USDA. Interestingly enough though, I no longer felt God pull on my heart directly. It seemed as if God was taking the training wheels off. He wanted me to find a deeper faith. In the end, second semester was much more difficult and trying than the first, but there is no shark left behind. When summer hit, I was very excited about being able to work at USDA. I enjoyed the work, although I wish that there was more of a focus on chemistry. During the last few weeks, I could not help feeling useless and demoralized. However, God came to my rescue and gave me a few results to work with. However, I found that the work pulled me away from the Lord. Every day, I looked forward to getting home and relaxing instead of spending just a few minutes praying. During the school year, my bible reading had been weak, but my prayer life was strong. Over the summer, the reverse was true, and I found myself pulled down by my weaknesses once again. However, by God's grace, I'm okay now. Ironically, I feel much weaker and more pathetic than I did before. Yet, I'm happier and more joyful. I think its because I know that my works and strength aren't really my own but are gifts from Him. I just need to keep seeking as the year goes by.
Speaking of seeking, a lot of things have been going on recently. Matters that should have been settled, have been kindled again. And so, I find myself on the edge of another battlefield, fighting, blood, sweat, tears, but most importantly tasks that have been set apart for me to complete.
I'll do my best, but not just by my own will.
Jlai
Sunday, December 6, 2009
EHEHE
As much as I thought that I had chased it away...it comes back to haunt me.
It was hard at first...believe me. It made me feel evil. Not doing what I used to. So, I asked for advice, and all sources told me to do the same thing. And I did. It seemed to work. Over time, I became desensitized. It was bordering apathy. But the best part! Natural. Everything felt fine, perfect, normal. What I had always wanted and yet not. My theory was correct. Had I not...none of this would ever have happened. Had I not...I would have been temporarily been spared the pain and the joy. Had I not...ignorance would have been my bliss. It saddens me and yet I am glad. For it taught me much about the nature of life, of existence, and of the supernatural.
But, I decided to give it all up. Because it was too much of a burden, a distraction, something that would hinder me. And now, when I need focus the most, when resolve must kick in, it returns to haunt me. I thank those who gave me advice. They were right. That was the best course of action. Then. But now...I must make a choice.
I have been told that I can be an extremist. And that is true. And now is the moment when my extremism is screaming for a decision so it can carry me away. One side wants an encore...the other enjoys apathy. Neither side is truly right or wrong. Each side has its pros and cons as well.
To think, that all it took was a large consumption of cookies and planning to remind me of this. To break my apathetic state, this was all that was needed. But it may seal my doom.
So, for now...APATHY FTW! It is rather sad...even pathetic. But what else can I do? I know I am too weak, too feeble, too uncultured, too inexperienced, too unwise, too foolish (even this post is a testament to that).
But :P The sharky must swim onwards. The reef is behind. He must remember that. He seeks the open seas, and other sharks and FAT TUNA to munch on. Above all else, he must remember the sea urchins, sea anemones, and coral can be deceiving. If he isn't careful, he'll end up like his reef shark friend Reefy. And Sharky will join his grave.
It was hard at first...believe me. It made me feel evil. Not doing what I used to. So, I asked for advice, and all sources told me to do the same thing. And I did. It seemed to work. Over time, I became desensitized. It was bordering apathy. But the best part! Natural. Everything felt fine, perfect, normal. What I had always wanted and yet not. My theory was correct. Had I not...none of this would ever have happened. Had I not...I would have been temporarily been spared the pain and the joy. Had I not...ignorance would have been my bliss. It saddens me and yet I am glad. For it taught me much about the nature of life, of existence, and of the supernatural.
But, I decided to give it all up. Because it was too much of a burden, a distraction, something that would hinder me. And now, when I need focus the most, when resolve must kick in, it returns to haunt me. I thank those who gave me advice. They were right. That was the best course of action. Then. But now...I must make a choice.
I have been told that I can be an extremist. And that is true. And now is the moment when my extremism is screaming for a decision so it can carry me away. One side wants an encore...the other enjoys apathy. Neither side is truly right or wrong. Each side has its pros and cons as well.
To think, that all it took was a large consumption of cookies and planning to remind me of this. To break my apathetic state, this was all that was needed. But it may seal my doom.
So, for now...APATHY FTW! It is rather sad...even pathetic. But what else can I do? I know I am too weak, too feeble, too uncultured, too inexperienced, too unwise, too foolish (even this post is a testament to that).
But :P The sharky must swim onwards. The reef is behind. He must remember that. He seeks the open seas, and other sharks and FAT TUNA to munch on. Above all else, he must remember the sea urchins, sea anemones, and coral can be deceiving. If he isn't careful, he'll end up like his reef shark friend Reefy. And Sharky will join his grave.
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Who do I want to be?/ systems analysis
Haha...I tried answering this question for myself in early June. And my response was limited. I figured that the identity that colleges were interested in would be my work identity. For the most part, I still believe this is true. Nonetheless, today's Bible assignment gives me an excuse to think about what type of person I want to become. (or the type of person who I don't want to become)
So, what do I admire? What qualities do I wish that I had? Whenever I think about my own identity, I imagine myself looking through the windows of an all glass mall, staring at another me. He makes my weaknesses clear. This individual is so ideal. What does he do? He can get along with kids; he can kid around; he knows what he is doing; he is not tense; he is in tune with those around him; he knows what is best for himself; he gives of himself for others; he is slow to anger; he has wisdom; he is in tune with what God wants; he is deliberate; he never cloaks; he knows how he feels and can cope with it....He is everywhere. And yet, he is no where. He isn't here. He's behind the glass. He's someone who I wish I was that I'm not. He is the ideal.
My anger. Somehow, I've carried this great bitterness in my heart for the last few years. I remember my dad telling me that he sensed a strange discontentment within me. Although I said nothing to him, my thoughts were screaming, "No duh, I have a literal stronghold of anger in here!" Whenever I let it loose or feel indignant, this burning, a firey hate rises up and consumes me. I feel it coursing through my veins giving me purpose that knows no bounds but absolute victory. I don't know for sure where it comes from. But my guess is that it comes from my hate of myself. Overall, I'm not happy with who I am. Maybe it's greed that drives me, a hunger for improvement and progress. Whatever the source, I tend to despise myself on multiple levels for multiple reasons. Whether it be letting someone down, wasting someone else's time, or just doing something plain stupid, I am usually in a state of self-dislike. This is primarily because, pride goes before destruction. Whenever I gain a single gram of confidence, I mess up. I find that it is better for me to be uncertain of myself than to trust myself. This may cause an emotional imbalance.
After some time of thought, I have realized that the root of this problem stems from the tendency to block spikes or anomalies. Whenever the system encounters a inconvenient or unreasonable anomaly, it simply blocks it out. It becomes mechanical so that it can run the appropriate calculations. The system is designed to assess the worst possible scenarios to prevent further disappointment anomalies from arising.
Although this system has minimized damage on various levels, it has also hindered efficiency and overall performance. The phase shift system's energy drain value has nearly doubled, and the Trans-Am system must be constantly utilized to compensate.
The cloaking function of this unit must also be overused in order to prevent the discovery of the design flaw. Unfortunately, the cloak has a high particle consumption rate.
This unit generally receives commands from the FSH but rapid use of the system has jammed transmissions.
Jonas Arche
So, what do I admire? What qualities do I wish that I had? Whenever I think about my own identity, I imagine myself looking through the windows of an all glass mall, staring at another me. He makes my weaknesses clear. This individual is so ideal. What does he do? He can get along with kids; he can kid around; he knows what he is doing; he is not tense; he is in tune with those around him; he knows what is best for himself; he gives of himself for others; he is slow to anger; he has wisdom; he is in tune with what God wants; he is deliberate; he never cloaks; he knows how he feels and can cope with it....He is everywhere. And yet, he is no where. He isn't here. He's behind the glass. He's someone who I wish I was that I'm not. He is the ideal.
My anger. Somehow, I've carried this great bitterness in my heart for the last few years. I remember my dad telling me that he sensed a strange discontentment within me. Although I said nothing to him, my thoughts were screaming, "No duh, I have a literal stronghold of anger in here!" Whenever I let it loose or feel indignant, this burning, a firey hate rises up and consumes me. I feel it coursing through my veins giving me purpose that knows no bounds but absolute victory. I don't know for sure where it comes from. But my guess is that it comes from my hate of myself. Overall, I'm not happy with who I am. Maybe it's greed that drives me, a hunger for improvement and progress. Whatever the source, I tend to despise myself on multiple levels for multiple reasons. Whether it be letting someone down, wasting someone else's time, or just doing something plain stupid, I am usually in a state of self-dislike. This is primarily because, pride goes before destruction. Whenever I gain a single gram of confidence, I mess up. I find that it is better for me to be uncertain of myself than to trust myself. This may cause an emotional imbalance.
After some time of thought, I have realized that the root of this problem stems from the tendency to block spikes or anomalies. Whenever the system encounters a inconvenient or unreasonable anomaly, it simply blocks it out. It becomes mechanical so that it can run the appropriate calculations. The system is designed to assess the worst possible scenarios to prevent further disappointment anomalies from arising.
Although this system has minimized damage on various levels, it has also hindered efficiency and overall performance. The phase shift system's energy drain value has nearly doubled, and the Trans-Am system must be constantly utilized to compensate.
The cloaking function of this unit must also be overused in order to prevent the discovery of the design flaw. Unfortunately, the cloak has a high particle consumption rate.
This unit generally receives commands from the FSH but rapid use of the system has jammed transmissions.
Jonas Arche
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Singapore...dang I feel stupid...
As I stepped out of the 777 at the Changi Airport, a myriad of things whizzed through my mind: Dang, that 777 is fast...it can achieve 585mph as opposed to 450mph; hmmm...it's not as warm as I expected; ooh...TRAVELATOR!!!; where's Daniel? Oh, he's behind me; Hm...that bloke looks suspicious; Why aren't people speaking in Mandarin?; and of course I'm Back...
Even though I don't live in Singapore, coming back here is like a breath of fresh air (as Lee Hom Wang would say it). Things are so familiar and yet foreign. The Singaporean people are the same as they always have been: work focused, a bit grumpy, having heavy accents, and looking plain Asian. I guess that's why I like Singapore so much. It makes me feel more Asian. Wait...dude...you are Asian X_X ? Well that doesn't mean that I am content with my Asianness. As I tuned through the familiar radio stations (riding in a taxi from the airport), I just sat there and let my ears listen to the sweet stream of Mandarin lyrics. No, I have no idea what they're saying, but I find it exceptionally soothing.
I arrived at the hotel an hour after landing to be greeted by my relatives. Sigh, let's see...my aunt's and uncle's were pretty much the same. My cousins had changed a bit. Fai was a bit calmer, had less wild hair, but he was still taller than me. (apparently I haven't grown much QQ) Ling reminded me of a mini CCS person. As we went to eat dinner, the awkward silence came along. I had anticipated it's arrival so much that I grinned when I tried asking my cousin about life in Mandarin and English. You see, Singaporean students are required to study both Chinese and English. However, my cousin's English isn't that fluent, so he doesn't understand everything I say. (TANGENT WARNING) Actually, one of the main reasons I wish I was born in Singapore is just so that I could be fluent in Chinese and not so fluent in English. Yeah, English is one of the most efficient languages, but I feel as if I should know Chinese because I'm CHINESE. In addition, I greatly enjoy the method of transportation. For some reason, I never looked forward to getting my license, which is why I don't have it yet QQ. I'd much rather walk around, take buses and trains to get to work and to school. That's what most people do here. They scan their little MRT fare cards and hop on then scan again and hop off. I'd rarely take public transit in the U.S. frankly because, I don't find them very clean. Dang, Singaporean hacks. Singapore is obsessed with being clean. The airport is cleaned literally 24-7 and the buses and subway trains never seem to age even though they've been around for ten years.
Another reason, I wish I was born in Singapore is just the schooling system. It seems so much harder here. My cousin is two years younger than I am, but he has so much homework. It's ridiculous. For example, standard test prep for a grade 6 placement exam weighs 4 kilos (about 8 pounds) Now, keep in mind, that is merely the test prep for SIXTH GRADE. That's crazy. Looking at my cousin's work and the school system in general, I feel as if I'd have a better education here.
With so many advantages in Singapore, I sometimes wonder if I should move here. I don't mind the hot and humid weather. Actually, I welcome it. And I often think about who I'd be if I had grown up here. For the longest time, I figured that I'd be a better person if I had been born in Singapore.
No longer...
A few people I know have this thing where they can look at people and get a rough idea of their personality and all these other minor details. Now, it may sound like first impressions, but it isn't. Their predictions are usually accurate. Maybe it's more like a perception of character. In whatever case, when I looked around at the people who were my age in Singapore...all I gathered from their faces was a superficial happiness...a drive to achieve...to make money...to marry and be "happy"...but nothing more. I can't explain it. For some reason, they seemed so shallow. This feeling had been even more prevalent in Hong Kong, but I never expected it to be widespread in Singapore. This observation made me wonder, "So, would I have been like one of them?" Now, for sure, there are some truly happy people in Singapore, but it just seems like a lot of people are consistently disappointed. I admit, I am by no means Mr. Sunshine happy face blah blah, but the look in those people's eyes...cold determination, an unstoppable desire for personal gain, just bothered me.
I guess I can be glad I'm not like them...that I wasn't absorbed into the culture...but I still have sentimental attachment to this small island.
Listening to Mandarin Music by Victor something....
Jonas Arche
Even though I don't live in Singapore, coming back here is like a breath of fresh air (as Lee Hom Wang would say it). Things are so familiar and yet foreign. The Singaporean people are the same as they always have been: work focused, a bit grumpy, having heavy accents, and looking plain Asian. I guess that's why I like Singapore so much. It makes me feel more Asian. Wait...dude...you are Asian X_X ? Well that doesn't mean that I am content with my Asianness. As I tuned through the familiar radio stations (riding in a taxi from the airport), I just sat there and let my ears listen to the sweet stream of Mandarin lyrics. No, I have no idea what they're saying, but I find it exceptionally soothing.
I arrived at the hotel an hour after landing to be greeted by my relatives. Sigh, let's see...my aunt's and uncle's were pretty much the same. My cousins had changed a bit. Fai was a bit calmer, had less wild hair, but he was still taller than me. (apparently I haven't grown much QQ) Ling reminded me of a mini CCS person. As we went to eat dinner, the awkward silence came along. I had anticipated it's arrival so much that I grinned when I tried asking my cousin about life in Mandarin and English. You see, Singaporean students are required to study both Chinese and English. However, my cousin's English isn't that fluent, so he doesn't understand everything I say. (TANGENT WARNING) Actually, one of the main reasons I wish I was born in Singapore is just so that I could be fluent in Chinese and not so fluent in English. Yeah, English is one of the most efficient languages, but I feel as if I should know Chinese because I'm CHINESE. In addition, I greatly enjoy the method of transportation. For some reason, I never looked forward to getting my license, which is why I don't have it yet QQ. I'd much rather walk around, take buses and trains to get to work and to school. That's what most people do here. They scan their little MRT fare cards and hop on then scan again and hop off. I'd rarely take public transit in the U.S. frankly because, I don't find them very clean. Dang, Singaporean hacks. Singapore is obsessed with being clean. The airport is cleaned literally 24-7 and the buses and subway trains never seem to age even though they've been around for ten years.
Another reason, I wish I was born in Singapore is just the schooling system. It seems so much harder here. My cousin is two years younger than I am, but he has so much homework. It's ridiculous. For example, standard test prep for a grade 6 placement exam weighs 4 kilos (about 8 pounds) Now, keep in mind, that is merely the test prep for SIXTH GRADE. That's crazy. Looking at my cousin's work and the school system in general, I feel as if I'd have a better education here.
With so many advantages in Singapore, I sometimes wonder if I should move here. I don't mind the hot and humid weather. Actually, I welcome it. And I often think about who I'd be if I had grown up here. For the longest time, I figured that I'd be a better person if I had been born in Singapore.
No longer...
A few people I know have this thing where they can look at people and get a rough idea of their personality and all these other minor details. Now, it may sound like first impressions, but it isn't. Their predictions are usually accurate. Maybe it's more like a perception of character. In whatever case, when I looked around at the people who were my age in Singapore...all I gathered from their faces was a superficial happiness...a drive to achieve...to make money...to marry and be "happy"...but nothing more. I can't explain it. For some reason, they seemed so shallow. This feeling had been even more prevalent in Hong Kong, but I never expected it to be widespread in Singapore. This observation made me wonder, "So, would I have been like one of them?" Now, for sure, there are some truly happy people in Singapore, but it just seems like a lot of people are consistently disappointed. I admit, I am by no means Mr. Sunshine happy face blah blah, but the look in those people's eyes...cold determination, an unstoppable desire for personal gain, just bothered me.
I guess I can be glad I'm not like them...that I wasn't absorbed into the culture...but I still have sentimental attachment to this small island.
Listening to Mandarin Music by Victor something....
Jonas Arche
Monday, July 6, 2009
July 5
Everything has its Pros and Cons. It's a natural fact of life that almost nothing can be completely good without some type of negative side-effect. It reminds one of podracer parts. Oh yes, the nostalgia of star wars pod racers. I remember buying a used part for Anakin's racer and noticing that the twofold increase in speed damaged the vehicle's cooling capabilities.
I'll admit...I'm not fully content with my physical body's capabilities. I'm grateful that I'm not handicapped and can move around relatively freely, but the simple fact is that I'm kinda scrawny. Hey, in this American culture, everyone is so worried about being too fat. Look around, there's weight watchers, Jenny Craig, and thousands of other weight loss programs out there. What about those unfortunate ones who weigh too little? Seriously...it's rather discouraging when someone who is about six inches shorter than you weighs fifteen pounds more than you and is still considered normal. What does that make me then? According to the doctor, my height and weight are way below average. I'm almost off the growth chart. Just today, the guys in my cluster were talking about how heavy they were. I was 15 pounds lighter than the lightest of them. It was very sad. You'd think that a fully functional mobile suit would at least be equipped with adequate propulsion systems. And for the most part, the orbital frame has served me well. However, it's just discouraging when I have to increase output so much just to keep up with others' cruising speeds.
Nonetheless, today..I am glad that I don't weight too much. Rock climbing at Boomers didn't seem like a good idea at first, but my friend Octavio convinced me to do it. I have a fear of heights. I get goosebumps going off the ten foot tall diving board. Climbing to the top of a flimsy forty foot cliff was crazy, I told myself as I put on the double harness. However, in the end, my light weight served me well. Because I’m so light, I was actually able to make it up to three out of the four sides of the cliff. So, I guess I’m happy.
Surprisingly, this Sunday, the pastor gave a sermon about being happy with who you are…ironic eh? X_X
I'll admit...I'm not fully content with my physical body's capabilities. I'm grateful that I'm not handicapped and can move around relatively freely, but the simple fact is that I'm kinda scrawny. Hey, in this American culture, everyone is so worried about being too fat. Look around, there's weight watchers, Jenny Craig, and thousands of other weight loss programs out there. What about those unfortunate ones who weigh too little? Seriously...it's rather discouraging when someone who is about six inches shorter than you weighs fifteen pounds more than you and is still considered normal. What does that make me then? According to the doctor, my height and weight are way below average. I'm almost off the growth chart. Just today, the guys in my cluster were talking about how heavy they were. I was 15 pounds lighter than the lightest of them. It was very sad. You'd think that a fully functional mobile suit would at least be equipped with adequate propulsion systems. And for the most part, the orbital frame has served me well. However, it's just discouraging when I have to increase output so much just to keep up with others' cruising speeds.
Nonetheless, today..I am glad that I don't weight too much. Rock climbing at Boomers didn't seem like a good idea at first, but my friend Octavio convinced me to do it. I have a fear of heights. I get goosebumps going off the ten foot tall diving board. Climbing to the top of a flimsy forty foot cliff was crazy, I told myself as I put on the double harness. However, in the end, my light weight served me well. Because I’m so light, I was actually able to make it up to three out of the four sides of the cliff. So, I guess I’m happy.
Surprisingly, this Sunday, the pastor gave a sermon about being happy with who you are…ironic eh? X_X
July 1
July 1
Why is it that the good times always fly by so quickly? In moments of bliss you look around, examining how awesome life can be at times. Your friends are there, laughing, enjoying life with you. The sun is there, lighting up the sky to bring joy to your gathering. And for this long moment, the grassy knolls of yore materialize beneath your feet. Yet, to those outside this moment, the bystanders who walk on normally, nothing has changed. Soon, as this good time comes to a close, you fall back into normalcy and time goes back to normal. As the time warp ends, you become like everyone else around you. The world crawls slowly once more, and you begin to wonder why those good times can't last. Or...you don't think at all and continue with your day.
Sitting here in Middle Earth, I wonder why this moment feels so long. It's only been 3 days, and yet it feels like I've been here for quite a while. The first two days were kinda rough. Awkwardness was everywhere. But now, it seems that almost everyone has come out of their shells, including me. The first day...I literally was silent. It was one of the oddest things. My roommates, and I didn't talk at all. For a while, I didn't even mind. It seemed that we were all quietly sheepish. Day 2 was different. We exchanged some quick words at breakfast. Colby showed us one of the songs he mixed. It wasn't bad at all. Today, we actually talked a bit more, but they have homework. Colby is in the music cluster, and Stephen is in the puzzle cluster. Even though I'm in Chemistry, I have almost nothing to do but think about college apps and worry about the summer work that I can't do because I'm at camp.
My cluster is different from my roommates. We spent so much time together. The 20 of us ate lunch at our eight-shaped table (GO CLUSTER 8!!!). The first day was a bit weird, but now things are falling in. It's funny how you meet new people, and they remind you of your other friends. That's how it is for most of the people in my cluster. Let's see...Kendell is like an amped up version of Ken. Ashley is somewhat like Athena but much snappier. I almost thought that Rebekah was the person I volunteered with at Kaiser until I realized that she was taller than me X_X. Brendan is like a clone of Max. Henry reminds me of Elton and Victor combined. Daniel reminds me of Nathan but quieter. Michael reminds me of Wellington. I think I've seen Regina somewhere before, but I can't remember where. It's so odd when your brain fails to match things up properly. Anyway, we're a really close knit cluster even after just three days. After playing so many silly games, we had to get to know each other.
Overall, the cloaking field has been of little use at COSMOS. It drained to much energy so I lowered it whenever given the opportunity. Besides, I have very little use for it. Although I actually had to reset the FCS today after a breach in the phaseshift caught me off guard, damage to the E-carbon was minimal and easily repaired.
Now, in terms of the science stuff...most of what I've done is review. It's like AP chem all over again. But the teachers are good. I got to work with some grad students on spectroscopy. Who knew that shining light at a chemical could tell you so much. We didn't get to use a laser but the entire place was a laser lab. I saw one laser with a power output of 100W...it wasn't on XD. Tomorrow is going to be another lab, and I can't wait. This time we actually get to use the laser, and it goes PEW PEW PEW PEW PEW very very fast. It's a pulse laser with picosecond pulses.
Why is it that the good times always fly by so quickly? In moments of bliss you look around, examining how awesome life can be at times. Your friends are there, laughing, enjoying life with you. The sun is there, lighting up the sky to bring joy to your gathering. And for this long moment, the grassy knolls of yore materialize beneath your feet. Yet, to those outside this moment, the bystanders who walk on normally, nothing has changed. Soon, as this good time comes to a close, you fall back into normalcy and time goes back to normal. As the time warp ends, you become like everyone else around you. The world crawls slowly once more, and you begin to wonder why those good times can't last. Or...you don't think at all and continue with your day.
Sitting here in Middle Earth, I wonder why this moment feels so long. It's only been 3 days, and yet it feels like I've been here for quite a while. The first two days were kinda rough. Awkwardness was everywhere. But now, it seems that almost everyone has come out of their shells, including me. The first day...I literally was silent. It was one of the oddest things. My roommates, and I didn't talk at all. For a while, I didn't even mind. It seemed that we were all quietly sheepish. Day 2 was different. We exchanged some quick words at breakfast. Colby showed us one of the songs he mixed. It wasn't bad at all. Today, we actually talked a bit more, but they have homework. Colby is in the music cluster, and Stephen is in the puzzle cluster. Even though I'm in Chemistry, I have almost nothing to do but think about college apps and worry about the summer work that I can't do because I'm at camp.
My cluster is different from my roommates. We spent so much time together. The 20 of us ate lunch at our eight-shaped table (GO CLUSTER 8!!!). The first day was a bit weird, but now things are falling in. It's funny how you meet new people, and they remind you of your other friends. That's how it is for most of the people in my cluster. Let's see...Kendell is like an amped up version of Ken. Ashley is somewhat like Athena but much snappier. I almost thought that Rebekah was the person I volunteered with at Kaiser until I realized that she was taller than me X_X. Brendan is like a clone of Max. Henry reminds me of Elton and Victor combined. Daniel reminds me of Nathan but quieter. Michael reminds me of Wellington. I think I've seen Regina somewhere before, but I can't remember where. It's so odd when your brain fails to match things up properly. Anyway, we're a really close knit cluster even after just three days. After playing so many silly games, we had to get to know each other.
Overall, the cloaking field has been of little use at COSMOS. It drained to much energy so I lowered it whenever given the opportunity. Besides, I have very little use for it. Although I actually had to reset the FCS today after a breach in the phaseshift caught me off guard, damage to the E-carbon was minimal and easily repaired.
Now, in terms of the science stuff...most of what I've done is review. It's like AP chem all over again. But the teachers are good. I got to work with some grad students on spectroscopy. Who knew that shining light at a chemical could tell you so much. We didn't get to use a laser but the entire place was a laser lab. I saw one laser with a power output of 100W...it wasn't on XD. Tomorrow is going to be another lab, and I can't wait. This time we actually get to use the laser, and it goes PEW PEW PEW PEW PEW very very fast. It's a pulse laser with picosecond pulses.
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