It's been a long time...

I just randomly felt like posting on this forgotten plot of the internet. I haven't ventured into this area in a long time, but now's a good as time as any.

To recap, so that I will not forget, freshmen year was pretty crazy. First semester, it was all about getting to know God slowly and seeing Him in everyday things. I spent most of my time studying and didn't fellowship with people. At the same time, I was not doing a good job balancing my friendships. Through the temporary grade crisis and handing over these parts of my life to the Lord, I grew closer to Him. I could feel Him tugging at me, telling me where to go. Whether it was simply to go study at Stanley or to head home, "He Leadeth Me." (bad grammar fail) Despite these leaps and bounds, my weaknesses still held me down and stopped me cold with fear. Second semester was much more trying. Many times, I did not expect to do well in my studies, but God pulled through and gave me grace to learn and understand even as I was taking the finals themselves. He also gave me the opportunity to intern at USDA. Interestingly enough though, I no longer felt God pull on my heart directly. It seemed as if God was taking the training wheels off. He wanted me to find a deeper faith. In the end, second semester was much more difficult and trying than the first, but there is no shark left behind. When summer hit, I was very excited about being able to work at USDA. I enjoyed the work, although I wish that there was more of a focus on chemistry. During the last few weeks, I could not help feeling useless and demoralized. However, God came to my rescue and gave me a few results to work with. However, I found that the work pulled me away from the Lord. Every day, I looked forward to getting home and relaxing instead of spending just a few minutes praying. During the school year, my bible reading had been weak, but my prayer life was strong. Over the summer, the reverse was true, and I found myself pulled down by my weaknesses once again. However, by God's grace, I'm okay now. Ironically, I feel much weaker and more pathetic than I did before. Yet, I'm happier and more joyful. I think its because I know that my works and strength aren't really my own but are gifts from Him. I just need to keep seeking as the year goes by.

Speaking of seeking, a lot of things have been going on recently. Matters that should have been settled, have been kindled again. And so, I find myself on the edge of another battlefield, fighting, blood, sweat, tears, but most importantly tasks that have been set apart for me to complete.

I'll do my best, but not just by my own will.

Jlai